Odd thoughts at eleven p.m.

.....I'm getting married and soon.....I feel great, aside from some disturbing (maggots!!!!, rescuing an ex-girlfriend from a burning car?!?!) dreams and this increasingly nagging feeling I've forgotten something important....very important.......ruminating on how to improve my life......ahhh cats, they wander up, purr and then wander off....damn! this kool aid is good....must live up to potential.....God...howdy God, there was a time I didn't pray to you...didn't love you..yet you were always there, weren't you...thank you for getting me my family back...my fiance' always smells good and is warm when I get in the bed.....my son, my son you grow so much..you're all I've hoped for in a son....proud....

late....late late late!!! I need to go to bed, enjoy the closeness of my fiance'...forget and sleep....still that nagging feeling though........still that oddness of mind............damn...the kool aid is gone...I have a weakness for kool-aid...darned if I know why...so much I want to still accomplish before I go....some things I just can't do as a christian....I feel guilty sometimes for wishing...for old ways....pagan days....to worship God and give thanks...in an open meadow...on a solstice...would that be so bad?

...Forgiveness...I've forgiven...and I think I've been forgiven....
.....life....work, I like work, but I want more..... and .............................................................................................all alone I've wandered, In a dazed and desperate dream. All those dark passions inside me, agony in a silent scream. The madness poured out my mouth and it showed in my eyes. I've locked it up, in the shackle of faith, I pray that it dies.

Now I turn my face away, from the path that I once walked. It was in a circle, you see, where all I did was talk. There is freedom in limitation, hope in forgetfulness...